in a bohemian land

I never wanted a bohemian life. I only ever wanted to create. That's it. The rest, the life style, it just happened. Mostly it came from not really paying attention to what a normal life should be. That doesn't mean that this is the life I chose. I chose art. Everything else is simply the life I had or have. A fact. A conglomeration of necessities. There are many moments when I wish I could create AND have a normal life but having to choose I think i'd choose creating every time.

-JESSE ADAMS

I was sitting in laundry mat (doing laundry) just reading a book when i see a tall dark figure standing over me. I try not look up until i hear the "uh"'s of a conversation trying to awkwardly start. I look up and it is this 20 something boy with an afro that looks like a stranger... a cool stranger but a stranger none the less. He asks if I play the piano and sing... I answer "yea" and he says that he saw my set down down the week Prior at an open mic at the PATH Cafe. I was immediately relieved. And more so just touched that he remembered me enough to recognize me while buried in a book. He was a songwriter himself and lived just around the corner. We spend about 45 seconds talking and parted ways. It was one of a handful of moments where I actually felt like I belonged for a moment. It wasn't that he liked my set or anything like that because honestly I don't know how he felt about it. It was that he was another songwriter taking the time to make a connection with a fellow songwriter. These open mic nights. This underground songwriting community. If i am ever to find my home here in the city it will be there. And well, I was hopeful for a moment. Which was ironic cause apparently the song he connected to at the open mic was a song I did wrote called HAUNTED CITY which for all intents and purposes is about how its hard to make connections with people in NYC.

One moment.

I will take it

Where's Wallow: NYC addition.

So, I'm back in the city after a not so brief hiatus to Niagara Falls. If you didn't know, there is a hugh part of me that has yet to fall in love with NYC. Which is odd because the moment i came here for the first time while doing college visits I was so enamored and in love. It energized me. I spend a lot of time in my head trying to get back to that place. I am sure this city hasn't changed, though it is constantly changing, the energy and the heart of it remains the same. I just believe that as i've gotten older I've changed which is good i suppose. My main problem, i believe, is how hard it is to make actual connections with people. Everyone in this city is always trying to go somewhere. Both literally and metaphorically. This city spends most of its down time in commute which in itself is just exhausting. Never staying in one place for very long. Daily, jumping from appointment to lunch date to game night to job. Electronically jumping from website to website to text message to e-mail to pinterest to Facebook to youtube link to youtube link TV show to Tv show to ipod. Socially, trying jump from group of friends to better group of friend to better position at work to better job. Or even yearly from apartment to apartment borough to borough. No one seems to stop in this city and it just exhausts me at my core. When i find the people and things that matter I have to fight so hard to make them part of my life. and yes the fighting is worth it but yes the fighting is tiring. So all in all there is something about this city that doesn't fit me.

I've been heard to say that I don't like many people... and that isn't completely accurate. I just don't like facades or peoples insecurities that cause them to place expectations on me to view them a certain way which, though it may be false, makes them more comfortable and that happens in spades in this city. I suppose it happens everywhere but there is just so many people here that the ones i'd like to talk are lost to me. It's like a Where's Waldo. I try to find solace in my writing. I've been writing a lot of songs about NYC. My "metro period" of sorts. I will post them later. they are not the point of this post. The meat of it is that I realized something about myself today. I was in foul mood all week. I had recently taken a job which requires me to commute 3 hours of my day to get paid not enough to pay my rent let alone my bill and leave me tired and without enough time or energy to devote to the boy I love or the experiences I love. My days off were consumed with running around doing errands and I just thought oh, Jess's (myself) depressed again. And I was but the remedy was in front of me. Today, just by chance I was alone, two roommates gone. And somehow it was enough to relieve my anxiety. I can write. clean. read. think. Hear quiet. its therapeutic and It struck that that must be why my life is so much better when I leave the city. Its just so hard to be alone here for any amount of time and there is something about me and the way my mind works that needs it, or at least does better under those circumstances. It allows me to reset in a way. To not lose myself so I can actually GIVE myself to the people and things I love when I am with them and not be stressed and resentful about it. I know it sounds silly but this realization has the potential to be revolutionary for me. I hope I am right. I hope it is.

Maybe finding a way

to feel alone

in this city

is just what I need

to feel a part of it.

Ani DiFranco

Ani Difranco has been in my ibuds the past few days. She is by far on the top of the list for Artists I admire. Her lyrics are original and oddly philosophical - speaking to the strong woman in all of us. She created her own record label at a very young age "Righteous Babe Records" So she could allow herself to create a product that is completely uncensored and true to herself without having to please a commercial record company. Ani often gets a bad rap for being "an Angry Girl" mostly because she speaks the truth of what she see's and there are those who would rather keep uncomfortable things unsaid, but when I listen to her I notice something very different. In every word, every chord, and every performance you can just hear and tell that she loves to do what she does and most important she does it for no one else but her self. I hope to always love what I do as much as she does. These are three songs that I think really will show just how playfully in love she is with making music.

"Little Plastic Castles"

"In a coffee shop

in a city

which is every coffee shop

in every city

on a day

which is every day"

"Pick Yer Nose"

"I fight with love

and I laugh with rage.

You gotta live light enough to see the humor

You gotta live long enough to see some change."

"Both Hands"

"And in each other's shadows

we grew less and less tall

and eventually our theories

couldn't explain it all.

and I'm recording our history

now on the bedroom wall

and when we leave

the landlord will come

and paint over it all"

Ode to Shakespeare

Today was the first day of rehearsals for Shakespeare's "As You Like It" being put up in Down Town NYC at the Glenn Frankel Theatre. It was such an energizing and exciting first day that I decided to do an "Apples to Oranges" tribute to William Shakespeare. Any more ado would be about nothing so, with no further ado...

"These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things"

Shakespeare Inspired

CLICK TO ENLARGE

1) Picture Frame by WildSorbet.com $34.99: As soon as I saw this frame I couldn't take my eyes off it. Its aged wallpaper quality makes your photos look like show pieces. Perfect for my Shakespeare Tribute.

2) Ralph Lauren's Men's Polo $29.95: I love me a good polo. And with Ralph Lauren's Polo's you can be casual with confidence! As a fan of the popped collar (yes i'm proud to say it) I couldn't help but add it to the "...my favorite things": Shakespeare edition, as Bill, himself, is sporting a popped collar in one of his most famous renderings!

3) Italian Leather Desk Journal With Belt Closure by JournalShelf.com $135: For the Journal-er, for the writer, for the thinker. I love feeling like I have journal or manuscript that is really worth the words and thoughts I put in it. Keep this in your bag for thoughts on the go! Perfect for all those who daydream on the subway.

4) Rococo Candelabra $56: I love this because it has that Classic Silhouette BUT its made from a VERY modern material. Classy, Clean and Crazy.

5) Modern Quill Pens by Jayson Home & Garden $28: This is really the best of both worlds. The look and feel of an ink dipped quill BUT the efficiency of a ball point pen. They come in a variety of bird feathers. With these, you'll feel important and dignified even when writing your grocery list.

6) Arnold Brant Turtle neck (with with matching suit $6,000: The priciest item on "...my favorite things":Shakespeare. For me shakespearian cloths are all about the neck flourishes. This ribbed Turtle Neck is an ode to the ruffle collar. A Turtleneck with a suit coat, if you can pull it off, is a nice twist for getting dressed up. I believe dinner and a broadway show would be in order... just NOT "Mama Mia"!

7) The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Barnes & Noble Leatherbound Classics) $17.98: In a world where Kindles are taking over I find it important to have nice copies of your favorite books to turn your bookshelf into a valid show piece. This leather-bound anthology is not only beautiful but puts some of the greatest literary works at your fingertips.

8) BURBERRY Wool and Cashmere-blend cable-knit snood $375: Not only does this circular scarf/neck-wrap remind me of a modern take on the classic Shakespeare ruffle-collar but most importantly Burberry just screams elegance. I know it's costly but Burberry never goes unnoticed. As my masculine rock-climby- type brother even said "I just wanna be well off enough so that I can afford to wear Burberry."

9) Tommy Hilfiger Suit, Grey Slim Stripe, Trim Fit $322: This suit is the perfect combination of modern and classic. Theres is nothing like a complete suit (shirt, tie, vest, jacket, pants) that makes you feel like a modern day nobleman. However, this trim fit ensemble will not give you the bulk silhouette of our favorite shakespeare characters!

A Date with Mr. Clean

We all have those days where you just wake up and know you are going to be completely useless until you get everything just they way you want it. Well, today was one of those days.

"These are a few of my Favorite"...

CLEANING MUST HAVES

1) Mr. Clean Magic Eraser:This thing is a godsend. I use it on every and all my cleaning needs... Barring bringing it in the shower with me. A Must have for anyone who loves a little Magic in their lives.

2) Memorex Mini Mover:Small but powerful. I live in a two floor apartment and I can play this thing down stairs and hear it while cleaning in my bed room upstairs.

3) Jay Brannan's Album Goddamned: One of my #1 Favorite artists of all time. I love his lyrics, I love his hooks. Great to pump up while doing house work or just any time you wanna lose track of time!

4) Swiffer Wetjet: It's simple math.

Mopping - Bucket - Scrubbing = Happy Cleaning

5) Handheld DIRT DEViL: This is compact and packs a serious punch. It was recently given to us and I am more than sold on the dirt devil brand. One of these will be in every apartment I have from now on. Great for the BIGGEST and LITTLEST jobs!

6)Batman Comic Book Underwear from H&M: For those of you who like to clean A La "Risky Business" and for any one who pretends to have super powers when no one's looking, these are for you. I ONLY wear H&M Undies and these are by far my favorite.

7) Clorox DISINFECTING WIPES: The perfect way to put a period on your cleaning spree. It's like tissues... for your house's nose... kinda.

"Remember when segregation was simple and we could ONLY Marry someone in our segregated group?"

An equal ground must be found.

It is the only ground worth standing on.

But first we must be equals.

We must allow each other to have our beliefs and biases,

as humans we are made up of not much more.

If we ever wish to discontinue disagreement

then we must search not in our differences

but in our shared truths.

Truth. We are all alive.

If we are not we are dead.

The dead are not our concern

for if we impose the hypotheticals of a world beyond this

we forsake the rules and realities of this world.

Truth will be found only when biases are separated from the governing.

It is the only way to secure that we are ALL allowed our OWN hypothetical.

A separation of church and state must be reached.

Truth. We are all human,

we must agree that no human is more equal than another.

In our equality,

no member of humanity can strip another of any need.

We all need connection.

We must agree that love is un measurable

for as much as we try

it can never be truly expressed or made tangible,

rather, only felt by those lucky enough to feel it.

We must agree that any attempt to measure ones emotion to another's

is simply through a prejudice

and prejudice by its very nature impedes truth.

Something can only ever be what it is.

We must find a away to see that nakedly.

If your beliefs

and the institutions those beliefs are built on

do not believe as I do

... that is okay.

You will never give me your permission

because I will never ask your permission.

I should never HAVE to.

You do not hold my love in your hands

That is for my heart to hold.

The day a religious institution has become so big

where one has no choice but to ask for acceptance

from an institution that one does not not find valid

then that is the day we have failed.

The government must not become a religious institution.

Once it has we

become governed not by basic truths

but by shards of hypotheticals

ready and willing to cut equality.

Organizations that foster specific beliefs

can and should exist

for the purpose of bettering those

who believe like wise

Truth. I am not an all.

An all is never a one.

therefore

governing must execute its self so the individual is allowed to remain as such

with NO CONSEQUENCES.

Marriage is not a religious institution.

It is a contract that protects the right to love,

a basic right in human equality,

and protects all the complications it entails.

If your religious institution does not want to marry a couple

don't

But allow the that couple the right to marry in a LEGAL institution.

We must never hinder anothers basic needs with out beliefs.

-Jesse Adams

"If You don't like gay marriage

Don't marry a gay person"

- Whoopi Goldberg